WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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