I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
