i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
