Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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