I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
