Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
