Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
