wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
