Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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