4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
