The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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