so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well you can't waste a boner
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
