my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
