Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
