Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
