Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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