we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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