Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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