the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
