Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
