My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
