Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
