im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
