i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
