I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
