we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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