right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
