If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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