the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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