I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont even know how to be here
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an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize