Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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