The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My bed smells like the plague
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
