I just cut my nipple shaving
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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