Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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