Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
