You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
