just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
