Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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