did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
