is wine microwaveable?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
