We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
