My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
