How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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