Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
