id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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