There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
