remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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