I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just gift wrapped bread.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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