If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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