im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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