I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
