That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
