P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
