So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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