It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
