You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
