Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
