I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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