i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
