Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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